The New War
by Aramenialys
Summary: The fight on Supremacy is certainly not the last these two will see of each other. Even they are not delusional enough to believe otherwise. But sometimes, it is easier to ignore the inevitable than it is to face it head-on. Still, the Force often has other ideas.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **Hello fellow Reylo shippers, new and old! What a wild ride The Last Jedi was! I just couldn't get those Force Bond scenes out of my head, so I had to write this.**

 **Please enjoy!**

* * *

It had been three standard weeks since she'd seen him in person.

She could remember everything from those moments near-perfectly. The sights, the sounds, the smells. Ruin everywhere. The smell of charred flesh and death burning her nostrils. Him. Standing meters away, covered in other beings' blood, tears wetting his face.

Every time she closed her eyes, her lightsaber was held tightly in his hand. She'd thrown it to him. To save him. His other hand was reaching for her, pleading with her. _Join me,_ it said. "Please," he'd whispered.

She knew what he was asking for. It wasn't what she wanted; what was right. She couldn't do what he was asking. She'd refused; he'd gotten angry. His words were cruel. He was desperate, frantic, harsh. It broke her heart.

 _You were so close,_ she'd thought. _You were almost there, I could_ feel _it._

She'd believed that ending Snoke would be what did it. What finally turned him. She'd sensed the shift on her knees in front of him. Scared as she was, it wasn't long before she realized something had changed. Even as he looked down on her and said the same words he'd said to his father that night on Starkiller, his lightsaber pointed straight at her chest, she knew this time would be different. The look in his eyes told her so. And it was.

She'd watched in relieved disbelief as he'd killed the man that seemed the root of all he had become, let her faith in him rise as she felt him fight at her side. And for a moment, she allowed herself to hope. This would be what brought him home. His mother would see her son again, at last.

She'd been wrong. He'd killed Snoke for selfish gain, murdered only to murder more, and she couldn't support that. This wasn't Ben asking her for help, this was Kylo demanding her allegiance, her assistance in unjustly ruling over others. They fought. She left him behind. She hadn't spoken with him since.

But she saw him everywhere.

He would appear when she was alone, sometimes even when she wasn't. In the late hours of the night when sleep wouldn't come, during her self-taught lessons that never seemed to go quite as well as she hoped, even in the middle of conversations with others. It was as if his presence was an itch at the back of her conscious, and if she ever scratched it, he'd appear.

The encounters never lasted longer than a few seconds, but they might as well have lasted several lifetimes. They never spoke. They only stared, silently daring each other to speak, to say the words that hung in the air like a dark cloud. She'd thought about speaking to him more than once, but had never gone past opening her mouth.

 _I'm waiting for you,_ she wanted to say. _When you're ready to come back, I'll be here. I'll still help you, even after all that's happened. But you have to come back on your own._

It never felt like the right time. It probably never would be.

She'd expected him to be angry when she saw him for the first time since the fight. Hurt and up in arms, she'd expected him to come after her, lightsaber swinging. He hadn't. He hadn't even seemed angry enough for it to show. He was hunched over on himself, like he wished his existence would swallow itself whole. A soft fire burned in his eyes, but she couldn't tell whether it was aimed at her or himself. She'd opened her mouth to give him a real piece of her mind, because if he wasn't angry, she _certainly_ was. But one pitiful glance from him, and she refrained. His dark eyes bore holes into hers. She could sense that he knew he'd made a mistake. She wouldn't give him any comfort - his own choices had landed him where he was - but a lecture was not something he needed at the moment. Everything she was going to say had already been shouted at him several times, the words hurled at him like weapons. He was tired of being lectured. By now, she'd done all she could for him. He needed to be the one to make the decision.

The second time, he'd still been silent. She hardly even noticed he was there. Too preoccupied with her lightsaber, she didn't turn around until long after he'd shown up. He'd been watching her silently. She wanted to say something. Wanted to tell him what she'd had to say since she'd left Crait, and him, behind. But she hadn't. She'd turned and walked away.

Now, he was here with her again, silent still.

She was in the empty cockpit of the Falcon, though she knew that wasn't what he saw. Rey decided it was probably better that way. She didn't look at him. He didn't look at her. She decided that this, too, was probably for the best. But it was silent. There was no one else around, which was a rare occurrence, anymore. Would there be a better time to try to bridge the gap she'd been met with?

"Your mother asked about you."

He stiffened. His head turned just enough that Rey knew he could see her out of the corner of his eye.

"As soon as I told her what happened, she asked if you looked alright. Healthy. I told her no." She paused, fiddling with her hands. "I don't think that was the answer she wanted."

She could feel his eyes on her, but she hadn't looked up to see him. She wasn't afraid of _him,_ but of what she'd see when she looked in his eyes.

"You could still come back," she said softly.

She looked up, finally meeting his eyes. What she saw made her dizzy. There was so much there. Too much. She didn't know how he handled it.

But that was the problem, wasn't it? He didn't. He didn't handle it on his own. Maybe he couldn't. He needed help. Help that she was willing to give. If he was willing to receive it.

"I can help you. I still would. But _you_ have to make the choice; I can't do it for you-"

"I've already made my choice."

It wasn't loud. It wasn't harsh. It wasn't angry or cruel. It was resigned. It was like the choice had been made for him, and he didn't see a way out of it. Maybe that was how he felt. He felt like it was too late. But she knew that it wasn't. She'd seen the conviction in his eyes as he'd killed his master, seen it when he'd fought her for her lightsaber, but it hadn't been present when she'd glanced at him before leaving with the entirety of the Resistance on the Falcon. He was already doubting the choice he'd made; he knew it was wrong. That had to count for something.

"No, you haven't."

"Yes, I have. I've made the choice I've made, and I will reap the rewards of my decision. I can't change what I've done, and neither can you."

"You're wrong," Rey insisted. "There's still hope. You can still change."

 _"You,_ however," he pushed on. "I offered you a home, a position of power, a spot at my side. _I offered you a place in this story._ I offered you everything _\- everything -_ and you refused. You're the one who really made the wrong choice."

He looked hurt. She'd realized that her refusal had offended him, but she hadn't realized that she'd wounded him like this.

"You didn't offer me anything," she whispered, willing herself not to cry. "You offered me a lie. A false sense of hope and belonging. You don't find a home in a place of oppression and cruelty. That's what you wanted this galaxy to become. Please, just come back and we can fix this. You can make things right."

He stood up, advancing toward her, fire behind his gaze, but she wasn't afraid. She stared at him with an equal amount of fire in her own eyes, daring him to shout, to yell, to throw a fit.

"What is it that you think you're accomplishing?" he said, his voice dangerously low. "Do you think you're saving me? Changing me simply by existing? You're not. If you think you're doing anything for me, you're delusional."

Rey stood up, not breaking his gaze. "I don't think I'm the one with the delusions, Ben," she whispered.

She expected him to rear back, to lash out and shout and yell and insist that it wasn't true. But he didn't. He simply stared.

Rey looked to his eyes. Again, his eyes. They'd never failed her, not once, and they didn't disappoint her now. This time, they told her she was right. That she was right, and he knew it. He stared at her for a few seconds more.

When she blinked, he was gone.

* * *

 **I'll be posting the second part of this (Kylo's part) in a little while. This was all I could get written for now (it's finals week and I spent time on this that I should've spent studying), but there will definitely be more soon!**

 **To those of you (if any) who read A Fine Line, the response has been overwhelmingly positive, so I'm going to continue. There will be more of that soon, as well!**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to finish! But here it is, and I hope you like it!**

* * *

Kylo knew better than to hope for a better tomorrow. He'd done so more times than he could count, and he'd been failed in that regard just as many times.

But when he was with Rey, the hope he hated so much seemed to swallow him whole.

He'd tried in vain to shove it down on multiple occasions. _The connection you have is fleeting,_ he'd tried to tell himself. _If you get attached, you'll only be disappointed. She'll soon realize that you aren't worth her time and things will go back to the way they were; a bitter war with the two of you standing separated on either side. That is the reality._

His attempts were useless. The awful feeling of hope had sunk its claws into his very soul, and try as he might, he couldn't manage to dig them out. He'd decided long ago to give up trying. It seemed the more he attempted to wrest free from its clutches, the tighter it held him.

Until those moments when she'd finally managed to dash any hope he might've had left.

She'd gutted him. Turned him inside out and left him reeling, his world spinning on its head. It had been just like he'd tried to convince himself it would be. She'd thought herself above his requests, his company, and she'd turned and left him in ruin, just like everyone else he'd ever bothered putting his trust in. She'd abandoned him for her own gain, just as the others had. He'd wanted her to be different. Believed her to be. She'd said she'd stay. Promised she'd help him. He'd trusted her to, stupidly. But she was no different from the others, and Kylo berated himself constantly for believing otherwise.

It didn't stop her from showing up when he least expected it. Again and again. She seemed to be everywhere he looked. Usually, she ignored him altogether. She wouldn't even turn to look at him, much less say anything in his direction. Recently, however, she'd begun to acknowledge him, and whenever she did, she had pain painted in her eyes, playing across her features. It confused Kylo. Angered him. What loss had she suffered in that fight? What gave her the right to feel that way? He'd walked away from that fight with nothing. No one. Snoke was gone, Skywalker had long since been removed from his life, and Rey had turned and gone the other way. She'd left with so much still on her side that her losses weren't even worth considering.

For the first time in a long time, Kylo was completely alone. Not even Snoke could tell him what to do. He had to make decisions on his own, but how? He wasn't sure about anything anymore. Not even Rey. There had been a time not too long ago when she'd been the _only_ thing he was sure of. The only thing he thought he could count on to be there for him. But after what she'd done, he was certain that she'd cared less about him than the desert planet she'd once called home.

Despite that, he couldn't help but want her to care. He couldn't help but long for her attention, her approval. It was his real weakness, he'd decided. Not the Light in him, not the Dark. His need to be loved. His need to be wanted. It was his greatest weakness, the thing that he had to overcome if he wanted to be strong. But Kylo didn't know if he had any desire to be strong anymore. He just wanted to be _alright._

Kylo sunk lower in his throne, sighing. He knew he was failing. Miserably. He knew he was doing a calamitous job of leading the regime he'd once supported so staunchly, and he knew that its supporters far from supported him. They believed that he was too unstable to lead effectively. He didn't disagree with them. But he didn't care either. That was another truth he'd discovered in the past couple of weeks.

He did not care. Not one bit. About any of it.

There was nothing in this fight for him. Not anymore. He knew that if he tried, he probably had the power to stop it. But why bother? Even if he did stop everything, neither side would thank him. Neither side would care about him at all. Best to sit idly by and watch them destroy each other as they were bound to do eventually, anyway. Best to take advantage of the relative security his position offered him while he still had it. If Hux had any say, he'd be removed from his post soon enough. Especially if Hux found out that he'd…

A flicker of movement caught his eye from across the room. Kylo blinked hard. Surely, it wasn't who he thought it was. Who he _hoped_ it was. It had been only a few days since their last encounter, the first time she'd spoken to him since _Supremacy._

She'd seen right through him. Read him like an open book. As much as he wanted to be infuriated by her boldness, he couldn't help but be fascinated by her ability to read him so easily, so flawlessly. And a part of him, however small, wanted her to read into his pain. He wanted her to see how badly he was hurting, wanted her to know it was partially her fault.

"Rey?" he mumbled when something flickered again.

She materialized on the floor in front of him, on her knees, as if saying her name had summoned her completely. She looked surprised for a moment, sitting back on her heels, before her face fell. She sighed. "I need a minute, okay? Just a second to think about some things."

Kylo opened his mouth to respond defensively, but she turned her head as if watching some imaginary figure walk out of the room. He realized suddenly that she hadn't been talking to him. She hadn't been alone on her end.

"I can't really do this right now," she said after a few seconds.

Kylo slouched further down in his seat, his hope that maybe she'd want to speak with him slowly fading. "It's not like I control when this happens."

She closed her eyes, hanging her head. "I know," she said softly. "I know you can't. It's okay. It's not your fault. I just...there's a lot going on."

"Well, if you don't have the time, feel free to ignore me. It didn't seem to be too hard for you to do before."

Her eyes rose from the floor, training themselves on his face. She scowled, the fire in her gaze startling him, making him uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat, straightening up and averting his gaze.

"That's not fair."

Kylo looked back at her, stunned. "Not fair? It's perfectly fair. You've been ignoring me since that night! Up until a few days ago, I didn't even know if you could still talk! You can't seriously expect me to believe that you didn't know I was there all those times before, Rey. I'm not stupid."

She laughed, a barking, sarcastic laugh, devoid of any humor. "What, so I was supposed to pretend that what happened on _Supremacy_ was a figment of my imagination? A thing of the past that I shouldn't worry about ever happening again? Ben, what happened that night...it was..."

"What? Important?" he pressed, annoyance clipping his words. "Meaningful? Something worth discussing?"

" _It was a large step in a different direction, Ben._ I thought that maybe...it would go a different way than it ended up going. It _was_ important."

Kylo snorted. "Clearly not enough," he mumbled.

Rey's eyes narrowed. "And just _what_ is that supposed to mean?"

Kylo growled irritably. "Am I ever going to be good enough, Rey? For you? For anyone? Or am I always going to fall short?"

Rey looked taken aback. "Ben, what-?"

"You left me behind!" he roared, leaning forward in his throne. "I did it all for you, Rey! All of it! I did it to gain your approval, your trust! And when I offered it to you, you threw it back at my feet like it was _nothing._ Then you walked away without ever looking back and you _left me._ You're just like everyone else."

Suddenly, he felt tears well up in his eyes and he stood, hastily turning his back to her so she couldn't see. He walked several paces away from her, pulling himself together and attempting to quell the rage and betrayal that had returned as he'd relived the memory.

"Ben," he heard her say behind him.

It wasn't angry or annoyed. It wasn't frustrated, like he'd assumed it would be. It was soft, gentle. Resigned.

"Ben," she repeated when he didn't respond.

He wouldn't turn to her. Wouldn't answer. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction. He'd been ignored for far too long, now. It was finally her turn.

She sighed. "I know you're angry, Ben. I know you can't understand it. Why I left you when I promised I'd help. I know you don't understand what you keep doing to drive people away. Why you never seem to be good enough."

There she went again, spitting out his every thought as if she were thinking it herself. Kylo was almost annoyed. She took a deep breath.

"Ben, that night, I only heard what I wanted to hear. I arrived with one goal, and I wasn't willing to accept an outcome outside of it. So, when you asked me to join you, my worst-case scenario was what I assumed, wrongly, that you were envisioning for the future. And that terrified me. So I ran. I was only bothering to look at the situation from my point of view. Not yours. I was wrong."

Ben straightened, now tempted to turn and look at her. But he wouldn't. Not yet.

"Yes, Ben. I was wrong. I ignored you at first because I misunderstood your reasons for being angry. That, and _I_ was angry, myself. But after reliving that night in my head over, and over, and over again, I realized that you had every right to be angry with me for what I'd done."

She paused as if she expected him to comment. He had nothing to say, but found he was very anxious to hear what it was that _she_ wanted to say.

"I hadn't listened to you," she continued in response to his silence. "Hadn't bothered to hear what you wanted, what you _needed._ So when I ran, it seemed to you like I'd left because what you'd offered wasn't good enough. That once again, you'd fallen short. You hadn't been strong enough, hadn't offered enough power. You hadn't shown me enough potential, so I left."

She paused again, presumably to find a reaction. He didn't give any.

"That's what you thought, isn't it? Because that's how your worth has always been measured."

Kylo stiffened, his hands tightening into fists at his sides.

"By your power."

Kylo released a shaky breath, turning fractionally just to see her out of the corner of his eye. He watched her rigid posture soften, her shoulders heave in a sigh. She seemed sad.

"You thought that was how I'd been measuring you, too. How much power you offered me, how much I could gain from having you. You thought that was what mattered to me. So you couldn't possibly understand why, when you'd just offered me more power than I could ever hope to gain from anyone else, I'd turn and leave. But this is where _you_ were wrong."

He heard her shift, standing behind him. She took a few steps toward him and he stiffened again, turning completely away from her once more. She stopped.

"I never wanted power from you, Ben. I never wanted the galaxy at my fingertips or your troops at my beck and call. In all honesty? I didn't come to you expecting you to kill Snoke that night, either, though I was hoping you'd come back and help me do that."

"Well, what _did_ you come for?" Kylo whispered bitterly. "Apparently you didn't want anything I gave to you that night, so what was it you'd hoped to find here?"

"You."

Kylo straightened, swallowing hard. Rey seemed to notice his change in posture.

"Yes, Ben, you. I went all that way to bring you home. To _save_ you. Because I thought I could, then. But I was doing so selfishly. I was doing it to prove that I could. I only saw my plan of action, and thought that going that way would be the only way we could be successful. But now, I'm willing to go your way. I'm still willing to help you, Ben. If you just ask. If you'll let me. I'll be here waiting, whenever you're ready."

Kylo licked his lips, turning to face her, but when he did, she was gone. His eyes burned and he reached up to rub them, surprised to find tears running down his face. He wiped them away almost angrily.

He didn't have time for this. He didn't have time to be wishy-washy and sit around with some Jedi talking about his feelings, and he had no desire to hear her talk of his 'salvation.' There were armies to lead, battles to fight.

After all, like Skywalker had said, this war was only just beginning.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed! I'll probably be writing more post-TLJ stuff soon, so if you're interested, keep an eye out. I had a lot of fun doing this, so hopefully I'll be able to start working on more things like it!**

 **Reviews are always loved and appreciated! As always, thank you so much for reading!**


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